My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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