So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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