The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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