there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I lost the right to judge tonight
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
