Where did you get a picture of my penis
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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