My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
