My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
