Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
