Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
