His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We left the knife in your bed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
