yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
