Dual....:-)
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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