she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have feelings that need drinking.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
