Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
