Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
