man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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