My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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