It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
