i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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