You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
