Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
