And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
