I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
