I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
