Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
