you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
