you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Drunk is a universal language darling
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize