Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
