Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
