Taylor Swift is so right about you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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