I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
