omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
