ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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