if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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