I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
my liver is dry heaving
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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