The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
