I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
