I'm drive I can fine osifer
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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