It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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