the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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