We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
