Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
