and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
