If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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