If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
