Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
