It's Friday. Sex?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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