Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
