Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
