Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
