Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
