We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
