are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
