Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How does one acquire holy water?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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