Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
