Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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