i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
