Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
