I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
