Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
