Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
