you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize