Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize