at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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