Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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