Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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