im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
im on a boat
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