I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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