when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
