the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
