you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
